This is me and the pressure to “keep it clear" is debilitating. I can’t sit down to eat without a look around to make sure everything is “right", can’t fall asleep while my clothes are on the floor, I can’t read to my kids until their room is “right".

I’m not a nice mother to live with either: I’ve sat outside my kids room on the floor crying because “I can’t even come see what you’ve done in there”. There is so much shame.

OP is so brave for writing this.